One Liner Lucy

Schools almost out or is out for you. Depends on where you are. I can’t help but fear for next year already. You see, next year Baby et al. begins real preschool at a school she will be at until 3rd grade and with the children she will graduate with.

But Baby et al. has developed a knack for one liners. It’s started soon after she was two when she asked a homeless man at Walmart if he was her daddy. Cute, but embarrassing for mommy. She quickly followed that up when she yelled at an elderly lady at Target, “HEY YOU! Girl! Are you happy?” 

Oh and then she would walk into any room and ask, “popcorn anyone?!” And then not provide popcorn. Which is both deceiving and disappointing. She would also tell obviously fictional stories like, “I got my foot stuck in a volcano!!” I know what you’re thinking. All kids say these things, plus they’re cute. STFU Her et al. 

But then, at her strict Lutheran preschool, she started ending her prayers with either “Love you. Cookies. Amen.” Or “Amen, butterflies.” Her teachers went out of their way to mention it to me, but didn’t seem to care but I was motified.

Plus, look at her: How could this innocent, blonde haired, gray eyed baby doll be anything but flawless.

And she’s yet to say anything worthy of calling DHS….just you wait. She’s learned to top herself with lines like “I had a baby and she ran away.” And “I use to live in a green, green house with lots of green bugs.” And “I use to live in a truck.”

I can see it now, when the DHS lady is conduction her unannounced home visit, Baby et al. will flatter her with “why do you have so many cracks on you face. My Grammy doesn’t have that many cracks because she isn’t as old as you.”  

Annnd this is why I have to keep my house clean. Potential, unannounced DHS visits secondary to bizarre comments from my preschooler.

A Mouse Lost It’s Sock

The innocence of childhood struck me this morning as my 4 year old invaded my potty time. This is what she saw:And without hesitation, she declared, gasp…”MOMMY! A mouse lost its sock!” 

Because her mind is free from stress and worry and fear. And she lives a life of imagination and wonder….as all children should.

Heartbroken 

I write about grief so much it annoys me….but here we go again!

I hit a milestone yesterday. It was the first time since the passing of my father, that my heart broke for someone else. You know, there is something about the bond between a daddy and a daughter and I was devastated when I lost my dad in my 30’s. But yesterday, a longtime friend of Sissey et al. lost her father and she’s 10. 

I cannot fathom not having him there at my graduations, my wedding, the births of my children (in the waiting room). But this larger than life father now has the best seat in the house, but it’s not the same. 

This isn’t the way it should be. There are two young, school aged children who have to begin a long, complicated, and confusing grieving process that no child should ever have to endure. And so my heart breaks for them.

Holy Reindeer Boobs!

😐 Look. I get it. Not a lot of women go into clay animation or cgi, but the guy rolling the small balls of dough for this chics boobs had to have seen enough sweater meat to know that God doesn’t grow perfectly round circles on any carbon based creature.

“Hey Roy, roll out a couple of tata’s for Robbie’s love interest.” (Full disclosure, I wasn’t watching the cartoon until I glanced up and saw this artistic catastrophe.)

“Are you sure we can’t just give her some eyelashes and maybe tint her lips a little more to give her a feminine hint?”

“Nope. She needs boobs. Full grown, lady boobs. Like fully engorged, breastfeeding boobs. And since you mentioned eyes, go ahead and make them as big as her already comically large eyes.”

Unpausing the show now, hoping to catch a peek of Robbie’s fully erect male genitalia….stay tuned.

Would Anyone Notice….

If  I slipped a Roomba onto my 10yo’s wish list? I mean, we like found a mouse and it’s a bitch to clean up after a toddler who self feeds like a blind spider monkey in a bouncy house.