Er Mergerd!

I. Could. Vomit! If it wasn’t the pope, please don’t tell me!! I’d like to die thinking the pope read my blog post about Leonardo DiCaprio not being hot anymore! 

A little more info. This is from the stats page of my blog. It tells me all about the people who read my blog except like, who y’all are. Ok, not really. 

Basically it tells me which country your ip pings back to and how people find me (via Facebook, WordPress, or Google). So I saw yesterday that someone (Obvi Pope Francis) had been beep bopping around Heretal.com cause it’s the bomb, yo!

So thank you, Her et al.iens! And to my favorite Her et al.ien, Pope Francis, I thank you, kind sir. Please pardon my French.

Springing Ahead: A Moms BFF

Daylight savings time is bullshit anyways. But I’ll leave that for a different post.

Back in college, I loved it when daylight savings time ended. Falling backwards meant one extra hour of drinking! But springing forward meant waking up at what felt like 7 if I had to get up at 8. And that blows goat. 

But now that I’m a mom, my life doesn’t run the way I want it to. It runs the way my toddler wants it to. And she can really be a real…..well I’m not going to say because sometimes my mom accidentally reads my shit.

But I digress. Now that I’m older than dirt, I love it when daylight savings time starts and I hate it when it ends. You see, my nearly threenanger cannot read a frucking clock yet. Why? Don’t know. But it’s kind embarrassing. She’s not potty trained yet, doesn’t know her ABC’s and I’m pretty damn sure she hasn’t given a thought to her 401K.

Good Lord do I get off track easily.

So when daylight savings time starts. Baby et al. wakes up at her normal 6am…..BUT WAIT YOU LITTLE SHIT!!! WE DONE SPRUNG AHEAD AND ITS 7am!!

Drops mic.

(Read: Hits ‘Post’)

Yet Another Political Blog Post by a Yet Another Random Person

This is more of a plea than anything else.

While in high school, I stumbled down the dangerous path that most high schoolers manage to avoid. Yep, you guessed it. 

Politics.

When I became fully engrossed in the political areana with campaigns and party platforms crap, I became passionate. Like, holy cow, “someone get that girl a Xanax!”  It was new to me and politics was my drug.

Now had Facebook been around, I can confidently admit that I would have been on it all day long ranting, belittling those who disagrees with me, calling names, slinging mud, and spinning to my little hearts desire! My zen.

And then I grew up. Its been many since my love of politics began. I know it’s uncommon to start that young and y’all are just now getting into the passionate part of an election year. But, I’ve realized that calling names and shoving my views down others people’s throats actually counterintuitive. 

Listen pals, people think you’re bat shit crazy. You’re getting on Facebook and calling people names because they don’t agree with you. You look like an anger filled idiot who only turns to rage because they cannot eloquently defend their own views.

So for the love of God, chill out! I get it, you hate my political party. Whoop de fricken do.  That’s great, it’s what’s makes America this great land we are lucky enough to have lived in. And sadly, rage filled undereducated assholes are also what America special, too.

So do what’s right, write in Her et al. for president.

Don’t Tell Anyone…

Oh sh!t you guys. My kid jacked the Declaration of Independence! 

Shhhhhhh…..quiet! 

There I was, going through her backpack when I spotted it: I mean, it looks legit. And it’s clearly titled! It may look a smidge different than the last time I visualized the Declaration of Independence, but the lighting in that building suuuuucccckkks. 

I couldn’t tell you how she did this, I don’t even know when she had the time to fly to DC. Nor did I think she would be able to locate the National Archives Building, let alone bypass all the security! What do I do now?

There’s only one explanation:

  
Hahaha

   

Appropriating Black Culture, Straight Outta Compton Movie Review

Confession:

Guilty. 16 year old me is in fact, guilty of appropriating black culture. We didn’t use that term back then though. It was referred to as “wanna be” or “wigger”.  And at 16, I could probably rationalized why I felt just as oppressed and targeted as black Americans.  

I was raised by a single mother and we spent many years on government assistance when I was a child.  I went to the lowest socioeconomic school in my city while living with a mother who couldn’t define socioeconomic.
But, I never went to bed hungry.  I always had clothes to wear (although it was bought from Goodwill and was hideous).I was never targeted by law enforcement for the color of my skin.  People didnt follow me around department stores to make sure I didn’t steal anything. No one locked their car doors as I walked by.
Sometimes people kept a close eye on me (and rightfully so) because I was a party animal and underaged drinker, but I lived so well compared to the lives in the beginning of the movie Straight Outta Compton.

Movie Review:

I’m reviewing this movie because, well why the hell not?  (There is really NOTHING off limits in this blog.  I just kind fly by the seat of my pants.) God I love this soundtrack and the accuracy with which the artist were portrayed was jaw-droppingly precise! I wish they would have spent more time on Pac and Biggie but maybe their movie is in the works (fingers crossed)! I concur with the people saying this movie deserved Oscar recognition.  I realize that rap is still frowned upon by many people, but that doesn’t dismiss the art entirly.  

Listen to words, they way the thoughts come to them without hessitation. Make up a 12 line poem right now, that people would pay to hear.  Go.  Now post it in my comments.

Any lover of art and craft and creativity cannot deny the difficulty with which rap was commenly written. I understand that a large amount of rap is now written and composed over months to years and by college education caucasians.  I also recognize that there are inappropriate and oftenly offensive lyrics in rap music. 
So now consider the lives they were raised in, the culture that surrounded ever aspect of their lives. 

I will never know poverty like the men portrayed in Straight Outta Compton, therefor I cannot judge them. I don’t have to listen to what offends me, but I can appreciate beauty when it does not describe my life.  I can see beauty in the lives and culture around me.

So?:

So why is appropriating another culture so offensive? Can’t tell ya! How glad are you to have read this far for nothing? 
But here’s what I think. If a black man walks into a Starbucks in Uggs and orders a PSL in his best valley girl accent, I’m going to feel a smidge offended. It would feel like he’s mocking me and my Uggs. I would feel like he sees me as a joke and insignificant as a successful contributing member of society. 

Clear as mud? I concur. But thanks for listening!

Making a Murderer

I’d like to jump on the band wagon here and give my 2ยข. Steven Avery did it. He raped and killed that poor woman.

Seriously argue with me. Give me your best. The concept of him being framed by two separate police departments, is possibly the most absurd thing I’ve heard. Think of the massive amounts of people who would have to all be on the same page and willing to risk their careers and freedom all in the name of keeping this subpar human in prison. I’m sure there are people in both departments who hate him. I just don’t think they hate him more than they love their lives.

Now Brandon is a different story. I don’t believe he is intelligent enough to have intentionally misled so many people. Additionally, I doubt he was competent to stand trial. If he truly did participate in these horrific acts, I think it was more about being easily manipulated and in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

Having said that, I can say that neither of them got the fair trial they are owed as Americans. And that shortcoming needs to be rectified. And your thoughts are…..

What Happened, Leonardo?

   
Back in my day (yes is sounded that ancient in my mind) Leonardo DiCaprio was the cats meow. But these days he seems more like a crazy cat lady, than a stud muffin. He has more of a muffin top than a six pack. And the models who swoon over him are probably a six pack deep prior to ANY swooning.

Who cares? No one, that’s the sad part. Until he side-eyed the crap out of Lady GaGa at the Golden Globes. Which would be fine, if you didn’t look like this: 

or this: 
or God forbid, this: 
(disclaimer: last pic may have been photoshopped. I cannot confirm nor deny. Although I highly doubt there is a squirt gun designed to shoot pee.)So tweenagers, when you are all googly eyed over Harry Styles. Remember that this guy: 

WILL become this guy:sooner than you would like to think.

25 Days of Nicolas Cage-BONUS POST

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Her et al., why are you posting in the middle of the day?” Well Her et al.iens, it has come to my attention that our favorite lukewarm actor purchased a potentially stolen dinosaur artifact awhile back.

A ‘national treasure’ of sorts and unbeknownst to him. Let me be perfectly clear. Mr. Perfect did not know this artifact was stolen when he outbid Leonardo DiCaprio. (I’m having flashbacks to this. Et tu?)
Click here for more on the big Nic Cage news!!

Also, one of my favorite followers: Little Pieces Of Me(check her out) was particularly moved by the HP Cage. In her honor (honour for you Canadian Her et al.iens), I give you alternative HP/Cage mashups:

  Dumblecage 
  Hermione Cager
Loves and kisses Little Pieces Of Me!