Tooth Fairy Nightmares

Obviously these dolls are not real. If they wanted true keepsakes, they could make them WAY less creepy (add baby’s first curl to the top…not really), but it bring up a good point…

I don’t mind Santa and the Easter bunny, but this Tooth Fairy business is some seriously creepy stuff…even without this spooky doll. Like, why are we doing this people? When is it going to be socially acceptable to say, “Here’s $5. Now go throw your tooth away.”

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Heartbroken 

I write about grief so much it annoys me….but here we go again!

I hit a milestone yesterday. It was the first time since the passing of my father, that my heart broke for someone else. You know, there is something about the bond between a daddy and a daughter and I was devastated when I lost my dad in my 30’s. But yesterday, a longtime friend of Sissey et al. lost her father and she’s 10. 

I cannot fathom not having him there at my graduations, my wedding, the births of my children (in the waiting room). But this larger than life father now has the best seat in the house, but it’s not the same. 

This isn’t the way it should be. There are two young, school aged children who have to begin a long, complicated, and confusing grieving process that no child should ever have to endure. And so my heart breaks for them.

Pseudo-Medical Emergency 

Disclaimer: we’ve moved into my inlaws because we’re building a house and our house sold too fast. We’ll be here about 3 months. I love my inlaws and my husband. They are the best!
Day 4: My husband has developed a tummy ache overnight. By tummy ache, I mean he sat there at 3am for about 30mins thinking he was about to have diarrhea. Luckily, he didn’t. But his stomach still hurt the following morning. He ate breakfast fine and went to work.

Upon waking up, I told my inlaws about our night and how my husbands tummy hurt. 
*First mistake* 
*Umbilical cord regenerated*
It was at that moment he ceased being my husband and morphed into a ten year old little boy who’s appendix had likely ruptured and he was clearly dying….but he was at WORK?
“How could you let him go to work?” Oh crap, I don’t know. Did I miss something? Frantic. What do we do?
Text Hubby et. al, for status update 2 hours into work…
“….it still hurts. I still feel like I could shit my pants but haven’t.”
Time to call the Aunt who cleans the hospital for medical advice. 
Her medical diagnosis: diverticulitis

Recommends I look up symptoms, treatments and so on, on the Internet. A bachelors in nursing and 75% of a masters towards a nurse practitioner degree is not enough knowledge in diverticulitis. 

One must consult hospital cleaning staff and then google more information. This will save lives.

Noon: inlaws visit Hubby et. al for umbilical reattachment and cuddles (assumption only). Still no vomiting or diarrhea. Still eating normally. Pain still there. Hurts when he coughs. No cough or Coke, he’s just “testing it.”

Hubby et. al home from work. Walking normal. Talking normal. Not taking any over the counter meds for pain. Hurt when he turns to the left and coughs little baby coughs. Still has no cough or cold.
Mother in laws feels forehead with her hand and declares fever. Approximately 106. Give or take. Hubby et. al to bed…with dinner. He is hungry.
Hubby et. al poops. MIL checks it. It’s normal, but she thinks that’s a bad sign. His diverticulitis is trying to trick us.
Her et. al is grossed out…even for a nurse.
Day 5: in laws up early to check on regeneration of umbilical cord partner. 
He rates his pain at 12.45% better. MIL recommends maybe not having breakfast.
The thought increases pain level.
Breakfast is served
Baby et. al vomits. MIL declares babies emesis is related to her teething. 

She is not teething. 

But I’m only her mother and we haven’t called the aunt who cleans the hospital to double check me yet. 

2:00pm: I vomit.

No one notices at the moment. Fine. I collect myself, clean up, and brush my teeth.

People come help me..”hello, I just threw up downstairs. I think I may be catching whatever is going around here.”

Dead silence. Apparently diverticulitis isn’t contagious. 

Her et. al exits scenario. 

We’ll let this be between a mother and her baby. And I’ll try to erase this from my memory during the next sexy time.

The Dab

Alright kids. I’m going to give it to you straight.  You’re right, The Dab is not a sneeze.  But it’s close to a sneeze.  Us moms out there who are also nurses, strongly suggested the rappers in the ATL (I’m immensly cool for using that abbreviation correctly) via mind control to created this style of dance as a way of making hygenic sneezing cool again.

So go ahead kids, Dab away….Particularly durin cold and flu season.

Flattery Will Get You Everywhere 

I believe it was Mike Tyson who once said that, “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”

Sissy et al. begs to differ. She was extremely flattered today when her 2 1/2 sister tried drinking Sissy et al.’s bath water while she was still in it.

Her et al. will not be accepting kisses from the toddler until her teeth are brushed to my satisfaction….I’ve seen how thoroughly my tweenager bathes.