Birthday Cookies

Look, if I send my kid to school with 13 cookies and I go to pick her up and she’s the 2nd kid out of the door and there are only four other little butts on that mat, I want my other cookies back, lady!

I may have bags under my eyes and my shirt on backwards but I can still count past ten when there sugar and fancy frosting involved!

I just cleaned poop off of my toddlers ear and then had to brush her teeth because she told me, “poopy taste icky.” AFTER she gave me a goodnight kiss!


Sometimes a leftover cookie is all we SAHM’s have to keep us from jumping off the highest level of the play equipment…..which wouldn’t really do anything except sprain an ankle and maybe gain us some sympathy points from the hubby and then maybe he might empty the dishwasher.

But that’s ok. You just eat those cookies like we both don’t know where they went. I’ll pretend like all these extra kids came and left when I wasn’t looking and ate the cookies.


I Think I Might be the Easter Bunny

I live off of salads and veggies and am a massive organism. So as far as I can tell, the only rational explanation is that I am the Easter Bunny and I am just now realizing it.

For about ten years, I decided to be a vegetarian. Not because or animal rights or anything, just because I don’t really care for meat and I was sick of people asking me if I was a vegetarian all the time. Becoming a vegetarian is not a diet, let’s make that clear. It meant lots of carbs for me. And cheese. And dear God almighty, do I LOVE cheese!! I would F*CK cheese….but I digress. 

Becoming a vegetarian increased my love of veggies ten fold! I now eat meat but not often. And never rabbit meat. So clearly I’m the Easter Bunny!

I must go into some sort of amnesiac sleepwalking world tour once a year.