I can say these things because I am a republican.
Schools almost out or is out for you. Depends on where you are. I can’t help but fear for next year already. You see, next year Baby et al. begins real preschool at a school she will be at until 3rd grade and with the children she will graduate with.
But Baby et al. has developed a knack for one liners. It’s started soon after she was two when she asked a homeless man at Walmart if he was her daddy. Cute, but embarrassing for mommy. She quickly followed that up when she yelled at an elderly lady at Target, “HEY YOU! Girl! Are you happy?”
Oh and then she would walk into any room and ask, “popcorn anyone?!” And then not provide popcorn. Which is both deceiving and disappointing. She would also tell obviously fictional stories like, “I got my foot stuck in a volcano!!” I know what you’re thinking. All kids say these things, plus they’re cute. STFU Her et al.
But then, at her strict Lutheran preschool, she started ending her prayers with either “Love you. Cookies. Amen.” Or “Amen, butterflies.” Her teachers went out of their way to mention it to me, but didn’t seem to care but I was motified.
And she’s yet to say anything worthy of calling DHS….just you wait. She’s learned to top herself with lines like “I had a baby and she ran away.” And “I use to live in a green, green house with lots of green bugs.” And “I use to live in a truck.”
I can see it now, when the DHS lady is conduction her unannounced home visit, Baby et al. will flatter her with “why do you have so many cracks on you face. My Grammy doesn’t have that many cracks because she isn’t as old as you.”
Annnd this is why I have to keep my house clean. Potential, unannounced DHS visits secondary to bizarre comments from my preschooler.
Because her mind is free from stress and worry and fear. And she lives a life of imagination and wonder….as all children should.
I write about grief so much it annoys me….but here we go again!
I hit a milestone yesterday. It was the first time since the passing of my father, that my heart broke for someone else. You know, there is something about the bond between a daddy and a daughter and I was devastated when I lost my dad in my 30’s. But yesterday, a longtime friend of Sissey et al. lost her father and she’s 10.
I cannot fathom not having him there at my graduations, my wedding, the births of my children (in the waiting room). But this larger than life father now has the best seat in the house, but it’s not the same.
This isn’t the way it should be. There are two young, school aged children who have to begin a long, complicated, and confusing grieving process that no child should ever have to endure. And so my heart breaks for them.
I used our wedding china for the first time that Father’s Day. I don’t know what prompted me to do that but for some oddball reason I’m so glad I did. As if that Father’s Day meal served on wedding china was my closure I didn’t get.
I only had a month left with him that Father’s Day and no one knew. Not even him. I was so in consolable during his services that I think all people knew what to say to me was, “I guess you really just never know.” God I got sick of hearing it. Because, I lived my moment with that damn china.
The darkness that follows grief is scary and vast….so very vast. The very first thing that hit me was, “I can’t fix him. I’m a nurse and I’ve saved so many. But I can’t now.”
It is final. That’s what hurts. It can’t be changed no matter how bad I want to change it, no matter how hard I work, or beg, or cry, or pay. I can’t change it.
He’s gone. Almost 3 years now and it does get better. Believe me, this IS better.
Does a 3 year old get a time out for calling her sister despicable? Or does she get a round of applause…….