How To: Internet Dating-A Hardly Educational Post

  1. Be single. Not married. Not dating someone you haven’t broken up with yet. Not seperated, but still technically married. 
  2. Have Internet access via a smartphone, desktop, tablet, laptop or anything else the kids are using these days.
  3. Take a flattering picture of yourself….like a current one. With your current hair color, style, and weight. Believe me, we’ve all had those glory days when we were “sooooo skinny”, but if your not currently in the midst of your skinny days, admit it to yourself and show your true self. And cool it with the filters people! Geez, everyone looks like they’re in renal failure! 
  4. Choose a site or two, take into account price. I’m not sure what the kids are doing these days and I know there’s a billion of them. But find one and dive in.
  5. Be available, respond honestly to messages, initiate communication if there is someone who has caught your eye. Keep an open mind. Not everyone has read this super educational blog and they may not know how to do this whole internet dating. So don’t count someone out if they don’t have the best profile ever! Forgive grammar flaws.
  6. Before going on dates, check the person out online to make sure they have not killed anyone. I really feel like people who have killed other people, should not be online trying to get dates. But I really don’t think they see it the same way. The state I’m in has a website where you enter the persons first and last name and it shows you every ticket, lawsuit, and arrest for that person.

Stay tuned for my internet dating success story!  

Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun

Just kidding, yes they are!

So, we’ve bought a week long trip to Disney World for the end of October, a few weeks ago and the girls still don’t know. I’m waiting for a Halloween costume to come because I have an elaborate scavenger hunt planned that involves their costumes….I’m super cheesy like that. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anywho, there’s been a mixup with shipping, so it’s taking forever to get here. And my husband says to me today, “there is no way you’re going to be able to wait that long to tell them! You’re incapable of keeping secrets! It’s comical how bad you are at secrets!”

He’s right.

Oh wait……

He knows nothing of my blog. 

  Not that I’m keeping score or anything.

Tartlet

Randomness Friday post:

8 yo has been on a french food kick lately thanks to American Girl Dolls. She made tartlets with white chocolate mousse. She wanted to put a cherry on top buy it kept rolling off. 

Today was my first time of applying fake lashes on said 8 year old daughter. Sure they’re halfway between her natural lash line and her eyebrow, but girl feels pretty. 

You see, last night at her dance studios dress rehearsal for the recital, her program director said the words every dance mom dreads hearing….”these girls are old enough now to wear fake eyelashes for their performances.”

Cheers erupted from the dancers. Tears from their mommys. I guess we should break out the training bras and booty shorts. It’s all downhill from here!

Pure mommy joy moment: as I was holding and tickling my 2yo today, she stopped and put her little hands up to hold my face and she smiled and sighed and looked me in the eyes. It felt like she was saying, “I know how loved and cherrished I am mommy.”

A few hours later my 8 year old (with fake lashes still on) asked, “did you marry daddy (her stepdad) because he does all the chores for you?” As I’m folding laundry. After I finished cleaning up the mess from the homemade waffles I made the girls for breakfast.  

Yep. That’s why baby.

Worst. First/ Last. Date. Ever.

Its been a zillion years or so since I was in the dating scene. But sometimes I like to reminisce, just to remind myself how awesome my hubby is. 

The guy. He was the older brother of a guy I went to school with. Like his little brother was hawt (totally would have settled for him), so obviously HIS older brother was the bees knees, right? Genes, DNA all that jazz. Plus, older brother was a huge football star in high school.

But this wasn’t high school. It was 8 years after. His glory days were 8 years ago and he had conceded to that fact. So he took up a hobby in his free time and decided to share that hobby with me, on our first date.

Metal detecting. Give it a try “Her et al.” this could be romantic out in nature, just me and him. I was like 92% sure he wasn’t going to kill me, I knew his family! What on earth could go wrong? 

Everything. Every. Damn. Thing. First off, he was convinced he would strike it rich, hit the big one with his mad metal detecting skillz. Meaning I, the amature, could quite possibly ruin his chance at fame and fortune! Therefore I was not allowed to hold the detector. Nor was I allowed to do the digging. Nor was I allowed to make recommendations. Nor was I allowed to break his concentration. 

So I sat my skinny butt (I just wanted to highlight the fact that I was skinny at this time in my life) in the grass in the shade and waited. He found .07ยข.

I didn’t drive. That was my ultimate mistake. I had no way to bail on this date. If I had, I would have just gone to my car and left after an hour. But because I didn’t, I sat there for FOUR HOURS!!

Man, “Her et al.” that really was a crappy date….but wait, there’s more. He took me home, went in for the kiss to which I informed him I never kissed on the first date (big ol lie there, I love making out,) and I ran. Ran like someone was changing me!

Turns out, that nice shady spot under the tree that I found? Was home to poison ivy. Can you top me? I’ll mail you a sympathy card if you can top that horror story!

 Edited to include full picture of my artwork. Clearly the highlight of my story!

Midwest. Georgia. Same Thing.

Ordered a Hermione costume to be delivered via eBay for my 8 year old. Found out after the fact that the seller was based in China. Now, I live in the Midwest and I see the seller shipped it to Georgia. ๐Ÿ˜’ Another reason to buy American made products. Most Americans know the difference between the Midwest and Georgia….most people, not all.

Memorial Day

First, let me start off by saying that I am so very thankful that men and women fought so hard for our freedom. To know so many soldiers died while fighting that battle, is devastating. I wish I could personally thank each person for being braver, stronger, smarter than myself.

Then I think about my dad. About my cousins. My grandpas. All who fought in war and survived war and I can’t help but be a little pissed. A cousin and my dad have been formally diagnosed with PTSD. One of my grandfathers left war as an alcoholic that plagued him until his death. 

The most bravest people in my world left war with invisible wounds. Wounds that our VA hospitals are ill equipped to deal with. My dads PTSD was so severe at one point that we started consulting inpatient treatment centers. Guess how difficult it is to find a VA hospital for inpatient PTSD. Why isn’t millions of dollars are not invested into soldier PTSD? 

It should be assume that everyone coming out of war has PTSD and should be treated accordingly. It has to become so routine in the healthcare system to treat wartime soldiers for PTSD that all stigmas attached to mental health, are gone. 

My dad’s symptoms have improved so much. He was never able to go to inpatient treatment. He was placed on a waiting list and the director of the program told me something that will always haunt my dreams.

“We prioritize Gulf War/War on Terror survivors. Because suicide rates amoung this population is insurmountable”

Because men and women who come home from war now, come home with PTSD so severe that they choose to end their lives. They fight and make it home only to die at their own hand. And here I sit. In my safe, comfy bed. My heart hurts for them, for my loved ones, for those suffering. 

My Child is “Gifted” and Other Oxymorons

I despise the eyerolls I get for talking about my struggles with a gifted child. But there are days I wish I’d kept the recipt for her “gifts”. I could walk into the hospital she was born in and say, “I’d like to return her ‘gifts’ and just get her with a normal brain, please.”

Today was a day I wish she wasn’t so smart. I found out today that she essentially had no math class at the end of the year. At her elementary school the children are given a pretest for the chapter they are about to learn (math pre-test). If they get a 100%, they sit at their desk and do “independent learning”. Well, she got the Harry Potter series last summer and she decided to only wanted to get the math chapters wrong that she thought looked like fun…charts, graphs, and so on. And the rest of the time she read. The 7 books of the Harry Potter series two times during school year.

Gifted is not always a gift. She is starting to have more anxiety about things she cannot control like other drivers on the road or people who are sick. And she has “ticks” that are showing up more often. She doesn’t feel like girls her age like the same things. She was embarrassed in kindergarten because she was the only kid reading chapter books. She gets in trouble 3-4 times a week for getting bored and then doing pirouettes or reading her books when she’s not suppose to be reading or talking to someone.  

And schools. Public schools where we are simply do not care about children who are ahead. She brings in 99’s in every standardized test she’s ever had and that makes them happy. But challenging her is not something they want to worry about. No charter schools here and the private religious based schools operated the same way as the public schools. I asked to advance her a year and was told that they don’t do that. Now here’s where shared parenting sucks. I would love to home school and her dad is too concerned about her becoming a weirdo. 

So there she sat. At the back of the classroom in her own little world with her Harry Potter books. All year long. What a waste.