Oh Deer.

Rush, rush. Such is life. Today was no exception.

It took me one hour for a 45 minute round trip drive to dance. Plus Sissy et al. lost her jazz shoes at a dance competition Saturday, so I had to get her fitted for a new pair. I budgeted 10 seconds for this task. Sounds about right.

How does one lose a part of their wardrobe through the course of the day? Seriously? How do you not notice you’re barefoot?

But I digress. Today’s timeline:

4:45-sissy et al. to dance

4:46-buy sissy et al. new jazz shoes, Capezio, Carmel, slip on

4:47-weepđź’§buh-bye $38.52

4:47:30-be at home to meet with realtor. (Potentially slight exaggeration to my timeline….let that be known)

So, what’s a gal to do when she’s running late? In rush hour?

Well if you’re anything like me, you stop to take a fracking picture.

Of deer.

Just hanging out on the side of the road. Eating shit off the ground…the deer were eating shit off the ground, not I.

Because at exactly 4:47:29-Her et al. morphed into a famous, high end, artistic, nature photographer.

Me, myself, and my outdated iPhone…..and two unexpecting deer.

(Note to my readers. At this exact moment, I lost the ability to pronounce ‘musician’ in a non blog convo which made me laugh until I nearly peed. Also, I needed to use spell check on musician.)

Where was I? Ah, yes. Deer. Now before you all bombard me with prices for prints and autographs, allow me to post my beautiful work piece, entitled “Oh Deer.”

The inspiration for this piece is deer (obviously), but I also think it coveys the societal need to just slow down. Smell the roses. Take a picture of the phucking deer.

Tell me when you’re done laughing. Ok, good. Now I’d like to point out a couple of attributes of my photo.

#1-I see two bodies and one head. I must confess that I do remember seeing two bodies when I took the pic. But I cannot say, without reasonable doubt, that there were two heads.

I assume the head goes with the body on the right and ass in the back is eating and was hidden behind the front deer. But I’m not totally writing off the possibility of a headless deer. And we’ll just leave it at that.

#2-Scroll back up and look at its face and then meet me back down here when you’re done.

Since when did deer have faces that looks like a 5 year old drew it? Mind you, that’s unedited pals, his mug is just straight up circles.

I can picture God, (now, I’m sure he was tired from creating…everything,) “Eh, geez….deer, um, lets just put three circles inside one big circle for this one and let’s move on. Bam.” Maybe that’s the reason for the headless deer. Who know?

Comment if you’re interested in your own “Oh Deer.” SIGNED print! I’ll warn the printer!


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