Oh sh!t you guys. My kid jacked the Declaration of Independence!
There I was, going through her backpack when I spotted it: I mean, it looks legit. And it’s clearly titled! It may look a smidge different than the last time I visualized the Declaration of Independence, but the lighting in that building suuuuucccckkks.
I couldn’t tell you how she did this, I don’t even know when she had the time to fly to DC. Nor did I think she would be able to locate the National Archives Building, let alone bypass all the security! What do I do now?
There’s only one explanation: